Currently occupying federal buildings in the remote Malheur National Wildlife Refuge, reportedly at the request of God, the armed group of far-right “defenders of liberty from the forces of tyranny” (or, alternatively, treasonous terrorists threatening a standoff with the United States government) have recently discovered that a revolution can not be launched without a morning cup of coffee, and have asked us taxpayers to deliver it to them at our own expense. In other words, they’re asking for a handout.
Some folks on the internet, however, have decided to listen to their demands selectively and jokingly, sending the armed “militia” pictures of delicious hamburgers, pancakes, and chocolate cake, among several other delicacies that the hungry “patriots” might love right about now. Unfortunately for them, however, it is probably not advisable to eat the paper, no matter how tasty it looks. Many users are even including spoilers from The Bachelor season premier with their glossy culinary photos, filling in the rebellious constitutional defenders on what they’ve missed while they continue to hunker down in the cold Oregon wilderness.
To make matters even worse for the group, who’s simple request has clearly backfired on them, a few Reddit members have decided to resurrect last year’s infamous “Ship Your Enemies Glitter” fad. These deliveries are guaranteed to make their armed occupation either annoyingly messy or totally fabulous, depending on your point of view. Either way, they are coming.
The hilarious care packages appear to be yet another act of counter-protest against the “militia’s” illegal occupation, which has drawn criticism and controversy from numerous sources. Among those opposed to the occupation are the Dwight and Steven Hammond, who are purportedly the subjects of the militia’s occupation after the two were convicted for arson in 2012 for setting fire to federal land on two occasions in 2001 and 2006 adjacent to their ranch. One of their lawyers, W. Alan Schroeder, wrote to Harney County Sheriff David Ward, informing him that “Neither Ammon Bundy nor anyone within this group/organization speak for the Hammond family”.
Despite opposition from the Hammonds themselves however, the armed occupation does not appear to be ending anytime in the immediate future. According to Ammon Bundy, one of the occupiers and the son of anti-government Nevada rancher Cliven Bundy, the group plans to remain in Oregon for as long as they feel is necessary; “not a minute too early” in the words of Ammon Bundy himself. Fears that a violent standoff, similar to the Waco siege in 1993, appear to be mounting, despite the insistence from the militia themselves that their methods continue to be peaceful. Given that they are armed however, it is difficult to believe that a potentially violent escalation is entirely out of the picture. Ammon Bundy has previously stated that many within the group are willing to “fight and die if necessary”.