Ted Cruz Promises Middle School Children That His Wife Will Let Them Get Fat Again

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The weekend before the first caucus, Ted Cruz is cruising middle schools. That doesn’t sound quite right, does it? Okay, for some inexplicable reason, Cruz is campaigning in middle schools, perhaps in a bid for the 2024 election. He has one major campaign promise, and that’s that his wife won’t carry on the evil reign of Michelle Obama and her insistence that schools feed children nutritious food.

‘When Heidi’s first lady, french fries are coming back to the cafeteria!’

He said to cheers, adding,

‘The last I checked the cardboard was supposed to be on the tray and not in the food!’

To Republicans, healthy foods are anathema to freedom, Jesus, the American flag and guns. No one wants to see side eye from their 10-year-old as, for the second night this week, boxed mac and cheese, tater tots and ketchup grace the dinner table. Hey, at least they cooked(ish).

Americans are unhealthy, but you already knew that. Two-thirds of Americans are overweight or obese, and like all habits, eating well or eating poorly starts with childhood. Children also suffer from weight issues. For the first time, Type 2 diabetes, which used to be called “adult-onset diabetes,” is becoming common in children.

Childhood obesity rates have gone down somewhat since Michelle Obama took on the Let’s Move campaign. More importantly, children are developing a taste for healthy food. That can last them a lifetime, if Republicans don’t come in and reverse all the changes that have been made, which, of course, they will do.

What Ted Cruz is saying is nothing new. Sarah Palin led the attacks back in 2010, when she said:

‘Take her anti-obesity thing that she is on. She is on this kick, right. What she is telling us is she cannot trust parents to make decisions for their own children, for their own families in what we should eat. And I know I’m going to be again criticized for bringing this up, but instead of a government thinking that they need to take over and make decisions for us according to some politician or politician’s wife priorities, just leave us alone, get off our back, and allow us as individuals to exercise our own God-given rights to make our own decisions and then our country gets back on the right track.’

Of course, like everything Palin says, that’s a fabricated straw man argument. Parents can still feed their children chicken nuggets. They can still send them to school with Kool-Aid, Twinkies, and mayonnaise sandwiches. And, of course, Michelle Obama has no political clout whatsoever, so whatever food guidelines are in place might have been influenced by her, but they were not implemented by her.

As for Ted Cruz and his wife Heidi, I’m sure he won the support of at least a few middle-school children with his student council-like promise. Too bad for his sake that they don’t vote.