Ann Coulter Sulks All Over Twitter For The Man With The Golden Toupee In Wake Of Iowa Caucus

0
1126

In the wake of Donald Trump’s upset in the Iowa caucus Monday, coming in second to Ted Cruz, Ann Coulter could not help but sulk all over Twitter in her own, reptilian way. After all, it’s not easy to remain so cold-blooded. One has to constantly spout nasty quips in order to expel enough hot air to keep the blood slogging along at a steady 32.00001 degrees, the heart pumping at a grinchly bump-a-thump-dump per minute. She even tried to imply that heavily biased “professional left” rag Fox News was passive-aggressively trying to discourage conservatives from showing up to caucus, forgetting, it seems, that just because folks are conservative doesn’t mean, in showing up, they wouldn’t cast their lot with the likes of Ted Cruz or Marco Rubio. No, to Coulter, Fox just doesn’t want Republicans to show up and caucus because Fox knows all of them would throw in with Trump, right? If you’re conservative, you’re with Trump. That’s why Ted Cruz came away the big winner.

But, Coulter isn’t so dedicated to Trump that she isn’t hedging her bets in order to save face with the likes of second choice, Ted Cruz. Forget for a moment that the logic of Fox “denigrating” Cruz does not play into her theory that Fox stands against Trump. Is she implying Fox is against both Trump and Cruz? Maybe Fox is even simply against conservatives? Or maybe it’s all a vendetta against Coulter, herself. Fox actually LOVES Trump and Cruz, but plots against them because the network knows they are Coulter’s top choices.

Is anyone else starting to sense a bit of the lunatic fringe unraveling in Coulter’s conservative sweater?

It doesn’t take long for the hatemonger to refocus on her main man, Trump, though, tweeting a cheer for him allegedly coming in biggest with evangelicals. It looks like that Barnum & Bailey ruse of Trump’s to attend church once and endure a sermon sympathetic to immigrants paid off. They say there’s a sucker Christian born every minute. In this country, they seem to love the circus, and if there’s anything Trump brings to politics, it’s that.

Of course, Coulter can’t put two words together without reminding everyone what a bigot and racist she is, either. The xenophobia is off the charts with this one. Exhibit triple-z, below:

Evidently, Coulter grew more disgruntled with the clear Cruz victory as the night progressed, as well, as her disappointment could not be contained in the midst of his victory speech, bet-hedging be damned.

And as the night’s events turned into today’s history, Coulter managed to cling to her desperate hopes that the man with the golden toupee might still reign over America like a napalm sunrise breaking the horizon.

Sad as Coulter truly is, however, leave it to Twitter to bring in the comic relief. Thank God for the sanity comedy often lends in the midst of madness.

https://twitter.com/DukeStRollinsv2/status/694528830409707520

Readers will have to wait for a Sanders victory to know the answer to that one. Keep your fingers crossed, America.

Featured image by Gage Skidmore via Flickr, available under a Creative Commons license.