Ted Cruz Looks Weird According to Man in Crowd

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Continuing the theme of nobody liking him, the reptilian-looking Ted Cruz was heckled at one of his recent rallies. It’s not unusual for a GOP event to turn into a pantomime, but this ended with an audience member feigning physical illness.

Ted was doing what he does best, looking uncomfortable and awkwardly talking about outdated conservative things amid scornful glares from those who claim to support him, when an audience member decided to brighten the mood by engaging in a bit of audience participation. The man rather dramatically, and in a not so subtle way, pretended to throw up into a bin whilst proclaiming that he did not feel so well. He went on to explain that his sudden illness was brought on because:

“Ted Cruz looks so weird”

If that wasn’t bad enough, the participant then decided to repeat his performance, but louder. Poor old Ted was so close to this Oscar-worthy performance it would have been impossible for him to miss it. Unfortunately for this young thespian, the audience just didn’t get his performance and he was ejected from the premises by security. It seems a shame to punish this hero of free speech, especially when he was just saying, and miming, what we all think when we see Ted’s crudely constructed robot/lizard face. You can see this all take place in the video below, taken and posted to Twitter by @sbauerAP:

Ted tried his best to fight back, making a comment about his closest Republican rival, the equally repulsive Donald Trump.

“Is that Donald Trump yelling in the back?”

Haha, good one Ted. You showed them. It could have been worse, he could have reached into his arsenal of witty comebacks and gone for ‘I’m rubber, you’re glue, whatever you say sticks back to you’ or another old favorite, ‘Your momma is so fat…’

To give Ted some credit, he’s just beaten Trump in a closely fought Iowa caucus. Right now he’s probably standing in front of a mirror practicing his victory face, trying in vain to force his lizard features into something that resembles a human smile.

It’s unknown whether the heckler actually was sick or whether he was just trying to get under Cruz’s skin. With all of the theatrics at the various GOP events, it’s hard to imagine any of these candidates being a viable option for the Presidency. With Trump, we’d see the destruction of society as we know it. With Cruz, well, I’m not convinced he isn’t actually a lizard-man from Mars and his run for Presidency isn’t just a grand scheme to open up intergalactic immigration channels, overrunning the world with his reptilian brethren. Think how big Trump’s wall would have to be to keep the lizard-men from taking American jobs!