Guns are definitely useful, there’s no denying it. If you’re a hunter for example, you might need a gun to bring down a deer. If you’re a cowboy in the Wild West, you may need a gun for showdowns at sunset. If you’re in the army, well, you’ll need a gun to kill the bad guy and protect America’s interest in oil, sorry, I mean freedom.
I’m always excited when somebody can get more than one use out of an item. I’m a sucker for ingenuity, so you can imagine my glee when a Washington resident managed to turn his gun into a key and a communication device. The man somehow managed to shoot himself using his own gun. He then did exactly the same thing I do when I’m in that frequent and not absurd situation of having a self inflicted gunshot wound, he went to the hospital.
What makes this story different from all of the other self inflicted gunshot stories we feature is what happens next. The man arrives at the Reston Hospital Centre at 1:30am only to find his chosen entrance closed. Oh bother. Imagine a hospital not having every entrance open in the middle of the night; it’s unthinkable! Apparently the responsible gun owner thought the same thing, but instead of finding an alternative entrance as many of us non-gun wielding idiots would have, the man made his own entrance. The gunslinger blasted a hole in the glass door and clambered through. Yes, you read that right. He used his gun to shoot at a hospital window to gain entry, seeking help for a self inflicted gunshot wound. Because as we all know, nothing solves a gunshot issue quite like more gunshots.
Once inside, the man very calmly put his gun on the ground, cleaned up the glass he had shattered all over the floor and apologized for being a complete and utter ignoramus. No, I’m kidding. Of course he didn’t. Police spokesman Don Gotthardt explains what happened next:
“Once inside, he encounters hospital personnel who immediately realize he’s in need of medical attention. When they go to render aid, he displays a handgun again and fires another bullet inside the hospital. Fortunately, that did not hit anyone.”
Having already fixed one of his problems with his gun, the man obviously felt confident that he could fix anything with it. So instead of using his voice, hands or even his face to communicate, the genius whipped his gun out and started firing at the people whose help he needed. Obviously not one of life’s great orators, but gosh darned if he doesn’t know how to make an entrance and immediately get the attention of everyone in the room.
It all ends on a positive note though, with our gun toting hero finding the medical help he needed, after doctors managed to convince him to drop his weapon and act like a regular human. Credit should be given to the medical staff, who have to deal with situations like this frequently, because some people in the country still think the right to own firearms outweighs the very real risk gun owners like this pose to the community.
Featured image via Aurora Sentinel