Stephen Colbert was on-point during his opening monologue on Wednesday night immediately after the debate ended. From the moment the comedian and political news pundit began his monologue, it was one funny and highly accurate analysis of the debate after another.
‘We just witnessed the third and final presidential debate, because two’s not quite enough, and four, I think, would make us go cannibal.’
Colbert played on some of the alt-right theories of conspiracy and election-rigging, including those endorsed by the alleged unregistered sex offender who is running as the GOP nominee, Donald Trump. For instance, Colbert found what would surely be clear proof to the rabid conspiracy theorists that Trump is right to call the election “rigged.”
‘There it is! Right there! You can’t make that up!’
He next tackled alleged unregistered sex offender Donald Trump’s insistence that he will “keep you in suspense” whether or not he will choose to accept the election results should he not become the next president of the United States. Colbert agreed with the Democratic nominee that “that’s horrifying” and then laughed at the very idea of such a ridiculous play by the former reality television star.
‘Oh, suspense! Democracy’s going to end with a cliffhanger! I guess we’ll all have to wait until Nov. 9 to find out if we still have a country, if Donald Trump is “in the mood” for a peaceful transfer of power or if he’s just going to wipe his fat a** with the Constitution.’
Stephen Colbert also expressed his sympathy for alleged unregistered sex offender Donald Trump’s campaign CEO, Kellyanne Conway, who had to fend off questions from reporters in the “spin room,” a scene that probably resembled this, in Colbert’s mind.
Colbert’s funniest slam, however, came during his discussion of the GOP nominee’s guests for the debate.
‘Trump invited President Obama’s half-brother, Malik, which I think means the president’s half-brother had sex with Bill Clinton. I’m not entirely sure.’
Colbert also poked fun at the alleged unregistered sex offender Trump’s decision to invite former GOP vice presidential nominee, Sarah Palin, despite her busy schedule of “shooting killer whales with a bazooka from a jet ski.”
For the full monologue, see video below:
Featured image screengrab via YouTube