Donald Trump thought that Trump 2020 was a slogan. It was not. No, it was his expiration date. Now that he is reaching the end of his time in Washington DC, his actions are beginning to smell. He and his followers are all excited about the Kraken, and what in the world is a Kraken?
Trump told everyone that RINOS were a species of Kraken, so that they would vote for the Republican senator, but that was a lie:
‘RINOS @BrianKempGA, @GeoffDuncanGA, & Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger, will be solely responsible for the potential loss of our two GREAT Senators from Georgia, @sendavidperdue & @KLoeffler. Won’t call a Special Session or check for Signature Verification! People are ANGRY!’
A Kraken comes from Scandanavian folklore. It is a sea monster that rises up out of the sea and devours its enemies on land. Those enemies would be humans. The thing is, this Kraken guy really only has one maybe two American enemies, and the biggest one’s name is Donald J. Trump. It appears that the Donald sold the Kraken some jet skis to get around faster than those humongous sea creatures move.
Unfortunately, POTUS did not do his research, as usual, and he found out that Krakens have a terrible temper — not unlike the man in the White House himself. Trump sold the Kraken a bill of goods that was going to prove dangerous to his own health. You see, those jet skis did not have any bolts, and well, those are fairly important.
Someone must have told the Donald about the well-known attorney Ken Starr, because he certainly never paid attention in school. So Trump threw out this quote, trying to trip up the Kraken:
‘“These actions on the part of State Officials, making these changes, were violating the Constitution of the U.S. They were usurping power.” Ken Starr’
Old Kraken was not happy about the matter, so he rose up from the great depths and started asking Republican not-lawmakers where Trump was. They had learned well from their master and threw him right under the bus.
When POTUS saw Kraken heading his way, his first inclination was to hide in his bunker in the bowels of the White House. On second thought, he decided he could win him over with his sterling personality.
Trump quoted Starr as saying “state officials were ignorant..[of] the Constitution.” Perhaps, the president got Mr. Starr wrong, and it was he who was ignorant. Certainly, Kraken is far smarter than Trump:
‘State officials were ignorant of the limitations imposed by the Constitution. Ken Starr’
Trump could not blind Kraken. Instead, Kraken picked him up, tossed him into his backpack and headed. back to the Mariana Trench, which is the deepest oceanic trench on earth. The Capitol Republicans forgot who Trump was in about five minutes, because their loyalty lasts only as long as they get something out of it, and POTUS was in no position to give favors.
As it turned out, Kraken grabbed old Mitch McConnell (R-KY) on the way back. It seems that the most macabre man in the Senate, self-described as Mr. Grim Reaper refused to let Kraken visit the White House for dinner. Oh no. McConnell just made him wait in miles-long lines where the food was gone long before the Kraken even got there. Then, old Mitch stole Kraken’s many tennis shoes.
As Kraken hauled Trump to the great depths. POTUS yelled out “bad votes were pouring in.” Now, math was never Trump’s forte, and face it, Ken Starr is really old. It may have never occurred to them that the mail-in rejections happened before computerization:
‘Mail-In rejection rate was minuscule compared to what it used to be. Ken Starr Meaning that massive numbers of bad votes were pouring in!’
Why did the Kraken not devour the two men on land? It turns out that Kraken was not all bad. He was a longtime vegetarian. Besides, his catch was a couple of tough old birds.
Kraken even promised the two liars-in-chief that they could have the guest house, a 1640 pirate’s ship.
The moral of the Kraken story, the political version 1.0, is that people who lie, cheat, and steal from Kraken end up in the deep ship.
Twitter world went crazy when they saw Trump’s rash of tweets. Check out what some of our favorite responses say below:
— BallerAlert (@balleralert) December 8, 2020
The Mueller Report Adventures: In Bite-Sizes on this Facebook page. These quick, two-minute reads interpret the report in normal English for busy people. Mueller Bite-Sizes uncovers what is essentially a compelling spy mystery. Interestingly enough, Mueller Bite-Sizes can be read in any order.