Gohmert Wants Scientists To Alter Earth’s Orbit To Fight Fires

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Do you hear those broad wings flapping? Why, it is the stork coming to deliver a baby on the neighbor’s doorstep. And it is crying. Oh, wait that is just Representative Louie Gohmert (R-TX) flapping over another conspiracy theory again.

This week, Gohmert cornered a U.S. Forest Service employee and asked if he knew it was possible to alter the orbit of the moon or the Earth as a way of combating climate change. And he was serious? He told the woman:

‘I understand from what’s been testified to the Forest Service and the BLM [Bureau of Land Management], you want very much to work on the issue of climate change.’

Of course, we all know that those footsteps on the moon were created on a TV set by someone who looked a great deal like Gohmert. He continued:

‘Is there anything that the National Forest Service or BLM can do to change the course of the moon’s orbit or the Earth’s orbit around the sun? Obviously, they would have profound effects on our climate.’

Eberlien tactfully responded:

‘I would have to follow up with you on that one, Mr. Gohmert.’

Then, Gohmert handed her yet another job, figure out a way to harness that conspiracy and spin it into gold…uh, spin it into truth. That would be in her spare time between midnight and 6 a.m. when she was just lying around doing nothing anyway:

‘Well, if you figure out a way that you in the Forest Service can make that change, I’d like to know.’

Good woman that she was, she did not even chuckle.

Apparently, the Texas representative had forgotten that was the job of the man in the moon. Every night, he checked on that darned cow that kept jumping over the moon, making sure she entered her descent path properly.

Then, the shady anonymous man would take out his crank, which coincidentally kicked over his Model T car, too, and start cranking up the orbits. It was hard work. Fortunately, the moon is made out of cheese so he always got his protein.

It seems that the man in the moon was not very good at climate change, it was taking 100,000 years to make a slight difference. He would be old before he got the job done.

Gohmert was talking with the Associate Deputy. Chief of the National Forest System Jennifer Eberlien. This was in a House National Resources Committee hearing. He said that a former member of NASA had told him that the orbits of the moon and the Earth were changing.

Of course, there have been and would continue to be changes in orbits, but very minor. Milanković’s cycles were named after the Serbian astronomer who first theorized about them, Milutin Milanković. A NASA blog read: 

‘Currently, Earth’s eccentricity is near its least elliptic (most circular) and is very slowly decreasing, in a cycle that spans about 100,000 years.

‘The total change in global annual insolation due to the eccentricity cycle is very small. Because variations in Earth’s eccentricity are fairly small, they’re a relatively minor factor in annual seasonal climate variations.’

These orbit shifts were not responsible for global warming. Of course, we must keep an eye on that pesky moon. Every time we looked up, the moon was trying to escape Earth’s orbit — an inch a year.

The Forbes magazine tweeted:

‘ORBITS: Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX) asks whether the Forest Service or the BLM can alter the orbit of the moon or the Earth in order to fight climate change during a House Natural Resources hearing pic.twitter.com/yYiOyi2cMZ’

Gohmert was hot. He responded:

‘Exceedingly devious how you hid the context with an ellipses (sic) in your tweet. The hearing was about the BUREAU OF LAND MANAGEMENT & climate change.

‘BLM stands for the BUREAU OF LAND MANAGEMENT’

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Twitter world went insane after they read Gohmert’s tweet, but not nearly as insane as the representative’s conspiracy theories. Check out some of our favorite responses below:

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Featured image is a screenshot via YouTube.

Three White Lions podcast, Gloria Christie reads her week’s most important news/ commentary stories in the liberal online newspaper The Bipartisan Report. Gloria Christie Report her newsletter for people on the go. Written in her own unique style with a twist of humor in a briefer version of Bipartisan Report. Christie’s Mueller Report Adventures In Bite-Sizes a real-life compelling spy mystery. Find her here on Facebook.