Sunday was the Obama’s anniversary, and their messages to each other have been tweeted around the world. When the pandemic hit, just as so many couples across the country, this president and former first lady spent months together along with the two daughters we watched grow from little girls into lovely young college women.
President Obama sent Michelle this tweet:
‘Happy anniversary, Miche! Over the past 29 years, I’ve loved watching the world get to know you not just as a daughter of the South Side, but as a mother, lawyer, executive, author, First Lady, and my best friend. I can’t imagine life without you.’
Michelle Obama sent out her message via tweet, too. In hers, she showed two photos. One was from their relationship’s early years, and the other is from the now. She tweeted:
‘How it started vs. how it’s going Happy anniversary, Barack—love you! ‘
She remarked, that those with small children “struggle to deal with tiredness, stress and sharing roles” and sometimes give up, according to The Guardian. When she appeared on the Conan O’Brien television show, she joked:
‘You’ve got to know that there are going to be times, long periods of time, when you can’t stand each other … I said it, you know, on the book tour, as a joke.’
But maybe, there was a grain of truth in that joke. She continued:
‘There were times that I wanted to push Barack out of the window, right. And I say that, because it’s like you’ve got to know the feelings will be intense. But that doesn’t mean you quit. And these periods can last a long time. They can last years.’
She encouraged people to not give up during difficult times:
‘I just want to say, look, if that breaks a marriage, then Barack and I have been broken off and on, throughout our marriage, but we have a very strong marriage. And if I had given up on it, if I had walked away from it, in those tough times, then I would’ve missed all the beauty, that was there as well.’
President Obama just released his new memoir, A Promised Land. In it, he talked about how living in the White House made it hard on their marriage. In fact, the two had to “reconcile”(adjust) to the new and very different situation:
‘Michelle very much believed in the work I did but was less optimistic about what I could get done. She’s more skeptical about politics and more mindful of the sacrifices to the family.’
He continued:
‘ I tend to be ‘uh, that’ll be fine,’ and I worry a little bit less, just temperamentally.”‘
At times, Michelle Obama was a single parent of the young children, because the president was busy working on a career that shot him upward. That was not what she had signed on for:
‘I had to be there, and I had to go, and it was my body, and my husband was still sort of boppin’ around, living his life … the resentment starts to build up, or it started to, it’s like well, what happened to the unit, what happened to my best friend? What happened to my buddy, who’s, at the gym? It’s like, how the hell are you at the gym? You know, dude … I’ve got cabbage on my breast.’
so, after eight years in the public eye, their marriage survived, he told The Harper’s Bazaar Magazine in an interview:
‘I think we came out of it whole. There were great joys in the White House. There was never a time where we didn’t recognize what an extraordinary privilege it was to be there. Most importantly, our children emerged intact and they are wonderful, kind, thoughtful, creative—and not entitled —young women. So that’s a big sigh of relief.’
But those eight years meant living in a fishbowl:
‘But, during the time we were there, Michelle felt this underlying tension. The pressure, stress, of needing to get everything right, to be “on” at every moment. … There were times where I think she was frustrated or sad or angry but knew that I had Afghanistan or the financial crisis to worry about, so she would tamp it down.’
After they left, President Obama said:
‘It was like a big exhale right after we left office. It took some time to talk about how she had felt. … Once [the presidency] was done, there was possibility of her opening up … but more importantly just her being able to let out a breath and relax. You know the old adage, “If mom’s happy, everybody’s happy?” It very much applies in our household.’
He felt that after they left office:
‘[Michelle] has been more relaxed and more joyful since we left office. That allowed us to just enjoy the deep love that comes with a marriage this long. But also to be friends again.’
When their daughters Malia and Sasha Obama were in college, their parents were able to breathe a bit more, too:
‘Now that [our daughters] have turned out pretty good. [He and Michelle can] laugh and goof off and have more time with each other.’
But why did Michelle Obama say that marriages are like picking a basketball team? The former first lady said:
‘Because if you’re looking at a team, the people you want to win with, then number one you want everybody on your team to be strong … If we looked at marriage as a real team, you want your teammate to be a winner, then you want LeBron [James, the LA Lakers star].’
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